PROBE, assemblage. Not a pretty piece of art but a gritty reflection upon digging deep, into taking responsibility for our thoughts and ways of being in the world, as uncomfortable as it may be.
Viewing this is an invitation to observe from within, to be conscious of and to review ingrained beliefs, judgments, patterns, prejudices, assumptions and habits, to ask : Are they still true? Or, were they ever? Are they beneficial to you? To a larger collective? How do they affect the environment? How are we each influenced by and how do we each react to culture? How can we instead, have the courage and wisdom and ownership to shape and create culture?
How do detrimental aspects of personal or global history repeat themselves? How can we each and together change, revise or recapture beneficial base core beliefs? And most importantly, do our thoughts and actions come from the heart, from love or from fear? Can we forgive ourselves and others, walking that fine line between righteous anger and blame? Will we act with intuited intention or merely react unconsciously with uncontrolled emotion?
Happy Spring, 2020. Or Fall, in the Southern Hemisphere. May all of us have balance and equanimity, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, through difficult times.
May we intend and seek balance in the natural world. May this time of change, no matter how uncomfortable, result in deep, social and cultural changes for the better. As we are suddenly faced with not living life as usual, may we reassess, review values and be open to new ways of being, based upon compassion and care for each other and the earth.
May we navigate through chaos and fear, with love and trust in the divine plan. May we counter negativity with receptivity, strength and the courage to let go of what was and focus upon creating what can be. May those of us who are fortunate to be isolated in ideal environments take advantage of time for rest, introspection and creativity in good health. May we send blessings and support to those who are sick and otherwise struggling in not so beneficial environments, experiencing spiking stress and added responsibilities.
May it be so.
From time to time, I play around with making doors, invitations into portals that are entryways into the unknown. Here's one. I made the frame some time ago and recently shot some pictures of frost, then digitally altered and added them to make a final image. The sphere represents new realities to be discovered. What new world could be stepped into?
Portals are mysterious, enticing, and scary-what's on the other side? It's intriguing, to decide to open a door or to walk away. To choose what's familiar or to choose metamorphosis, with trust and courage? To follow curiosity, to take risks, to dream large?
I like portals into dreamtime, into mindscapes where imagination thrives. Where else can you access the thoughtstream, to receive ideas and add intentions to it?
I like multidimensional, liminal spaces between worlds, ghostly, haunted and ripe with possibilities. I like portals in nature. Where else can you have a conversation with a tree, listen to a river's wisdom, see images in clouds or enter fairyland? Where else can you sense what goes on in seemingly empty spaces in the natural world, where energies and unseen forces are at play?
Do you struggle with internal dialogues? Do you have recurring fear based thoughts that bring up anxiety, worry, negativity, anger or judgment that cycle endlessly? Thoughts that are not related to what's happening in physical reality currently but are based upon past experiences or fear that they will be repeated in the future? Scenarios that are projections into the future, that may or may not come to pass?
Here's a tool to snap out of fear's grip [yes, the grip of the ego] and to stay above ground, before descending into those rabbit holes. [After all, Rabbit is the totem animal of fear!]
First, stop. Be aware that you don't have to continue to think the thought or continue its scenario. Remember that you control your thoughts and not the other way around. Choose to be present.
Next, notice. Be aware of the environment that you are in, so that you can get out of your head. Use your physical senses. Look around at your surroundings and observe and sense what is here right now. Notice that this has shifted your focus. Breathe into your heart. Notice that it is now easier to relax.
Return to the thought, with detachment. Ask yourself - is this thought true? Although it may have been in the past, is it true now? Is it merely an assumption? Is it or was it really your thought or a thought based upon social opinion or a judgment that is invalid? Is there enough known information for it to be factual?
Proceed with presence. State that you release the thought and send forgiveness to yourself or anyone else, if there is judgment involved. Choose to be open minded to new information. Reminder- most of us have spent a lifetime in non-presence, distraction and multi-tasking. Being mindful takes diligence and time.
Do you feel out of sync, during January and February? Does downing that extra shot of caffeine or sugary snack for more energy only leave you more depleted, with an unnamed sense of malaise?
You may be at odds with the slow, deep, unhurried rhythms of winter.
It can be easy to forget that the natural world is our primary community. During mid winter, nature invites us to rest, reflect, recharge and be receptive, to explore the quiet below the surface of increasing busyness, distractions and the demands of everyday life. If ignored, dissonance and distress can creep in. Here's a practice for balancing your internal and external worlds.
Begin, by finding a quiet space, even if it means putting in ear buds, to tune out external noise. if you can, go outside and follow this practice physically. If inside, visualize.
With soft eyes, gaze upon the tree in the picture above, or at a tree, outdoors.
Breathe slowly, exhaling and inhaling deeply. Focus upon your feet and notice that they are connected to the floor or earth. You are grounded.
Walk towards the tree, noticing that in your approach, all noise decreases, until you are in deep silence, that the snow has muffled all sound. Notice that there is complete stillness, not even a breeze. Sink into the quiet.
Place your hands upon the tree and close your eyes. Feel your breathing in alignment with the slow energy of the tree. Sense its aliveness. Notice its roots as they spread into the frozen, dark ground. Notice its branches, as they reach toward the light of the sky.
Focus upon your hands, as you feel your heart rate and breathing slow. Allow yourself to absorb relaxation and to experience timelessness , being completely present and out of the constraints of time.
Continue to focus upon your breath and enjoy the stillness and peace, becoming recharged and rejuvenated, to the core of your being.
Know that the natural world will continue to inform and support you.
Intend to bring newfound calm and balance back into the outer world, knowing that you can revisit this place in the future, in times of stress and overload, by imagining that you are there.
Open your eyes. Give thanks for this experience. Turn and walk slowly back into the place where you began.
Mandala for 2020
At the onset of 2020 , we are in a time of ramped up change and deconstruction. Old structures are fracturing, but new energies are rushing into the crevices, allowing for new growth and and evolution. Fear is escalating, but so is love .
It is helpful to have tools to navigate through chaos and negativity while imagining, intending and engaging in new ways of being. Here is a mandala to view in a meditative way, to accelerate clarity through inner sensing.
Suggestions for interpretations of some of the symbols: They are meant to have individual as well as collective significance.
* The central triangle/pyramid represents focus and access of higher consciousness, for seeing and being with greater perspective, coming from the heart. The cornerstones of the pyramid represent compassion, forgiveness and love.
*Emerging from the center are green tendrils of new growth, reminding that we are responsible for our thoughts and actions. Do we proceed in trust, optimism and openness or remain ensnared in old, outworn thoughts and beliefs? Do we take responsibility for our thoughts or continue to judge and blame?
*The number 2020 can be reduced to the number 4, which is a number of stability, structure and foundation, symbolized by the four spheres . In addition, 2020 can be reduced to 22, a master number for the manifestation of higher good. Notice twenty two of the dots in the mandala.
*The geometric shapes surrounding the mandala represent ideas in the thoughtstream and higher dimensions that may be down - loaded or received through meditation or any form of stillness or quieting of the mind.
Feel free to share your insights and interpretations!
Lately, I've been noticing how time is experienced in our society and how time is often referred to in a monetary sense. We “make time ” for what is valued and perceive time as as being “used”, “spent”, and “wasted”. What would it be like if in a lifetime time was deeply experienced as something to be in, rather than primarily as a commodity? What could it be like to be fully in time in relationship to nature, with the phases of the sun and moon, the seasons and the weather, as within indigenous cultures? How do discarded objects describe and mark time?
As I played with these concepts, I started rummaging through the tangle of saved [hoarded?] objects in my studio and began this piece. Junk or traces of worthwhile pursuits? Maybe both. I incorporated pencils worn to stubs, time and time again. I attached a cast iron stove top grate to represent endless meals cooked and shared. The remains of paint in tubes and cans were applied. Added were watches worn and worn out while being “on time” and late, in the flow and while watching the clock and feeling that I was running out of time. Here's a comical image, envisioning “running out of time” as a person bolting out of a clock or calendar and chasing time, by minutes, weeks, years...
Perhaps the most important aspect of being in time, is sensing timing, intuiting when to do or be, act or wait, be more internal or external, and whether to speak or listen. Becoming more conscious of timing rather than time allows for listening to inner guidance and imagining to shape outward occurrences, resulting in synchronicity, arising opportunities, connectivity, compassion and more.
Hmm. I'm finding that sensing timing and being stressed out don't co-exist. Sensing timing is a portal into being in the flow, where time becomes silent rather than like loud traffic noise, harsh, agitating and distracting. High time to pay attention, right?
The more that I garden, the less I know. Except, to expect the unexpected, just as in the rest of life.
If you want a reminder that you're not in control, do some gardening.[Or, farming or ranching, right?] Besides the usual challenges: variables of temperature [too warm or cold], moisture [too much rain or not enough], weeds and damage from visiting rodents, my heel is broken. For me, gardening this summer, except for watering and pulling an occasional weed or two on crutches, is pretty much about neglect. But, there have been some very good surprises.
First, my guy. Bless his big heart and newly green thumb. He is doing some of the planting , mulching, weeding and most of the watering, in the garden. Wow- gardening goes on without me. Second, a riot of columbines! Columbines that have come up from last year's seeds, taller and way more prolific than ever, in a variety of colors that have not been here before. There are reds, magentas, lavenders and blues ! Varieties of purples, yellows and pinks! A wild, cacophony of color, as the wind spins the blooms around.
Back to the unexpectedness of a broken heel and my current, sedentary life. Two months and one to go, of non-weight bearing. Being still for hours on end is taking and teaching me patience. I'm experiencing summer and life, in new, inner-directed ways. To practice further what I preach. How many times have I advised clients to go within, to slow down, to be introspective?
I'm learning to take life day by day, in small steps, yes, without walking, although I dream of it every night.
Sudden, unexpected life changes can be loaded with disappointment, fear, and loss. Despite ongoing frustration, I'm seeing mine as a sort of unplanned sabbatical, a time away to close some doors, release outworn beliefs, review priorities and deepen appreciation. To imagine and intend for the future, while being at peace within the constraints of the present. To remember that tenacity, embracing uncertainty and meditation are ways through. And, as I look at the columbines, I'm reminded that there will be unexpected, good surprises to come.
Still life, stopped life. Life, interrupted.
During a sudden, irrevocable change in 'life as usual', a first response is often, “Why me, why now, why any of us, at this time?”
A few days ago, I slid down a ladder and slammed my right heel into the floor, fracturing my calcaneus[heel bone]. My plans for the summer came to a screaming halt. I didn't scream outwardly but did inwardly, at the thought of being injured at this time of year. Fears scurried through my head. My garden hasn't been planted! Fences haven't been fixed! No hiking! Not to mention, work to be done and the deepest disappointment of all, no riding horses for awhile.
Kelly Warndorf, executive coach, describes such so-called setbacks well:
“None of us are immune to intense health or emotional crises that stop us in our tracks. "
"The origin of the word crisis means ‘a turning point’ or ‘to decide or discriminate’ and ‘to sift and separate’, which is exactly what a crisis provides — a chance to shift from one place to an altogether different place inside ourselves. Though terrifying and painful, holding it with the respect and nobility it deserves allows us to embrace the possibility that life is conspiring to do us well, to teach us what we need, to become the people we are called to be .”
I know that setbacks are really steps forward, not just detours around what we think we want, but opportunities for soul growth. These are times that initially, what our egos and souls wish to attract seem very divergent, indeed. In time, wisdom ensues, right?
So. I am counting my many blessings. After decades of skiing and being bucked off of horses, I have remarkably remained unscathed. I am truly grateful that this injury isn't worse. I will recover full range of motion. I have an amazing and caring man and circle of friends and family that are exceedingly generous in helping out. Yes, I agree to be still for awhile, to intuit what I need to hear, to start a new chapter in my life, one that for awhile, I have sensed is coming about. Inward and onward!
Springtime in the mountains is a crazy dance, a push and pull, between winter and the upcoming, short lived summer. Here, outwardly, spring is a riot of melting snow, intermittent sun and snow flurries, clouds, mud, rain and emerging grasses.
Early spring's unfolding is visceral. Barely visible, but tangible and electric, as wind stirs, energies surge, sap rises, and birds return, piercing the quiet with songs and exchanges. Awakenings arise within all beings, whether furred, feathered, plant or human. Spring fever is fueled by the element of Fire, urging us to shed it, shake it up, clean it out, start afresh.
While being outdoors, I feel the wildness without flowing within me, deepening the immediacy of nature. Gusts usher in unpredictability, restlessness and excitement. The desire for change, new ideas and new beginnings are enticing, as the element of Air relates to thought and our mental selves. Change is truly in the air!
With wind tangled hair, dirty hands, horse hair coated jacket and sun creased skin, I am renewed and reluctant to go inside. I am filled with questions that I will take into my studio, such as what secrets do the seemingly empty spaces in nature hold? What conversations occur, between rock and aspen tree, melting snow, river water and land, migrating birds and willows? What do surrounding mountains and clouds share? What do the nature spirits and devas of place wish to impart?